What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
