Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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