and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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