just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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