do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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