I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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