We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
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So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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