I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
