Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
