He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
