I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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