i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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