Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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