wanna go halves on a baby?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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