She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
