i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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