I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
