My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
