What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We need to rekindle our bromance
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
