We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
