If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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