i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I currently don't understand fingers.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
