i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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