We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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