I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
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Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
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I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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