as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
