Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
