Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
