mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
