Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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