so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
