Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
