2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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