She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
