Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My dick has a subreddit
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
