There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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