Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
