remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
