remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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