you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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