She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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