It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
