Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
