I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
COCAINE IS GR8
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
