we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
