There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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