shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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