i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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