She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
