i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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