It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
