OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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