Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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