honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
