I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
