I want you more than these girls want KFC
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
