he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Life without a bra equals bliss.
there is glitter all over my balls
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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