life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
