Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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