mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
another moral hangover. fuck.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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