She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
