Betty ford says i'm here all night
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
