Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
