they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
