He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
