I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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