I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
