I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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