I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
