Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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