Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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