just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
