i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
