i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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