Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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