am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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