other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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